I Can't Breathe...a Mother's Fear of a New "Strange Fruit"

Over the past week I have shared my story of living with HIV and often am asked if I want to conceive another child. When I respond yes, I am sometimes asked if I fear passing on HIV to that child. No, HIV is not my fear. 

Pictured: HIV negative baby Symone '03

Passing on the history of the blood soaked ground that represents "legacy" is what I fear. Passing on the desire to keep my child safe, but inevitably teaching them to be afraid, that's my fear. 

The past few months of deaths have shown me this fear is valid. My rage is at a low simmer only because I've been sick to my stomach with humanity since I was seven. When my mother sat me down and told me what mankind did to Jesus. Then she broke down slavery. Then she broke down Civil Rights. Marching. Lynchings. Movements. Equality. Then I was blessed to see a Black man rise and be President...for two terms. My hope soared. But now...

Now, I'm charged to tell my daughter and any future child I may have why none of that worked well enough to ring true. 

Yes, I trust God. Please know that. Trust that I know His word says, it's best to trust no man. Ps. 118:8. My heart is hurting. I usually remain silent when the pain is in my bones. But I feel like the bones of generations past have been broken for nothing. 

The only freedom in this country my future child may know will be the 9 months he or she is in my womb. 

God bless America. #BlackLivesMatter